It’s ten pm and I’ve done nothing today
Except wake up at two and keep missing you.

Your voice was like home in a world without shelter. Now I toss and turn alone in my bed Fighting and failing the demons in my head. My soul or my heart, I’m not sure which, aches and my hands shake and my breathing becomes tattered like wispy clouds skittering across the sky on a spring day that can’t decide whether it’s January or June. I want to lay here in the quiet catastrophe of my broken character and mourn the loss of someone still so alive. But instead I lay in bed and become unglued inside and out.

Now I am quietly waiting for the catastrophe of my personality to seem beautiful again
And interesting
And modern.
The country is grey
And brown
And white
And trees.
Snows and skies of laughter always diminishing. Less funny not just darker not just grey.

I think the problem is that I don’t even know if I want to be healthy anymore. Nothing gives me pleasure; I don’t want to do anything. So when I find interest in starving myself and fucking and giving into the crazy… It’s the best I’ve felt in a while.

I used to hold on to people quite tightly. And now I’m the very opposite; I quite rarely fight for people to stay in my life. I figure if they need to go, they need to go. There is something they are searching for, and their heart won’t be fulfilled until they find it. I think it’s important to love people while they are in your life, and you can continue to keep them in your heart when they are no longer there, but I don’t think love is possessive. That doesn’t seen right. Possessive love that needs physical affirmation may be love, yes, but mixed with lust and doubt. I think when you simply have love for someone in your heart you can live their soul no matter where they are and let them roam the world free of ties. If they want to call your voice home they can, but that doesn’t mean they have to spend eternity inside looking out at the magical wonders. Let them travel this earth and the next, always knowing they have a kindred soul who loves them exactly as they are.